when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
