I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
