: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
