Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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