put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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