whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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