i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
