If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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