I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
