Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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