alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
