So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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