It's like a parade of train wrecks.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
