it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
