She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
