I'm pants shitting drunk right now
time to smoke my breakfast
he told me I talked like a deaf person
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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