If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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