My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
