So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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