They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
