Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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