Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
