Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize