you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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