You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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