Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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