I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
