I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
