You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
