Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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