Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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