Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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