my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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