It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
