One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
