The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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