i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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