so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize