Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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