Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
