too bad you live with your parents still
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
