I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
