he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
