So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
