making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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