At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
