I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
