so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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