Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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