It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
