This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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