I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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