Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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