I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
