Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
