I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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