Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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