I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
