Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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