you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
well you can't waste a boner
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
