WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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