i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
