hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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