I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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