new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
