was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
