If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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