My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize