I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I puked a lego.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
