First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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