No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
